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Home > Jokes and Games > My superior BMW...

TurboDave16V
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***16***

SouthPark, Colorado

The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars. First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway! (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn.)

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only?) Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph! Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way.

Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that, but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either - they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence, so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW.

On 17th Nov, 2014 Tom Fenton said:
Sorry to say My Herpes are no better


Ready to feel Ancient ??? This is 26 years old as of 2022 https://youtu.be/YQQokcoOzeY



T3Tone

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Sunny suffolk

Seen that somewhere before but still read through it all again, and still made me laugh!

-MINI CLUBMAN 1380 TURBO-


clubman_dan

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Winchester

lol *happy*


Mike

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Sunny Sussex

just mailed that to my dad, guess what he drives lol



Nic

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First mini turbo to get in the 12's & site perv

Herefordshire

same goes for audi drivers too, oooooh they do wind me up the pillocks

"oh look at me im a rep and have an A3, lardy daa, ill just congest this motorway because i think im driving fast at 72mph"


Tom Fenton
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Fearless Tom Fenton, Avon Park 2007 & 2008 class D winner

&

TM legend.

Rotherham South Yorkshire

On 30/03/2006 13:38:47 Nic said:

"oh look at me im a rep and have an A3, lardy daa, ill just congest this motorway because i think im driving fast at 72mph"


Says white van man Nic in his racing Berlingo flat to the boards 102mph full beam on "Get outta my fucking way cos I'm not fucking lifting its taken me miles to get this much speed up!"


Or is it just me that does that in vans..........


My best trophy ever has to be the guy who tailgated me in my Escort van, even when I moved over out of his way he tailgated me. So after a few junctions I got fed up with this and brake checked him. Felt the slightest nudge but as my van was equipped with a bloody sturdy towing bracket and ball wasn't too bothered.

Get home and there is half of a numberplate, a piece of bumper and some interesting colour paint marks stuck on the towball......

Oh how I laughed.

Edited by Tom Fenton on 30th Mar, 2006.


On 29th Nov, 2016 madmk1 said:


On 28th Nov, 2016 Rob Gavin said:
I refuse to pay for anything else


Like fuel 😂😂


T3Tone

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Sunny suffolk

LOL@Tom. Good on yer, i cant stand tailgaters. The closer they get to my back bumper the longer i'll take before i decide to move over.

-MINI CLUBMAN 1380 TURBO-

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