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Q: Whats the difference between a toothpick and Sunderland?
A: A toothpick has more points.
Q: What's the difference between a Mackem Lass and a Kit Kat?
A: You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.
Q: What's the difference between the Stadium of S***e and a hedgehog?
A: A hedgehog has pricks on the outside.
Q: How does a Mackem lass turn the light on after sex?
A: She opens the car door!
Q: What do you throw a Mackem when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids!
A Mackem is walking along south shields beach with his scrawny, flea-bitten,1 ear 3-legged dog when he finds a magic lamp and rubs it. A big cloud of smoke escapes from the lamp along with a genie.
"You have released me from 1000 years of torture being stuck in this lamp, for which I will grant you one wish", explains the genie.
The Mackem thinks about it for a moment before coming to a decision.
"I love my dog so I wish for my dog to become perfectly healthy, to have 4 legs again and 2 ears!".
The genies face turns to horror.
"I am a genie but I am not a miracle worker!".
The Mackem comes up with another wish.
"I'd like Sunderland to win the premier league".
"Give me another look at the dog again!".
There was this group of people on a tour-bus. The guide on the bus asked if anyone on the bus could tell the rest a joke, where upon a man got up and said that he could tell a mackem joke.
Suddenly a bloke in the back of the bus said, "No, don't do that. I'm a Sunderland fan."
The guide looked at him and said, "That's okay. We'll explain it to you afterwards."
Q: What is the difference between a Mackem lass and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick
A Man is walking through a park in Newcastle one day, when he hears a child screaming. To his horror he sees a rottweiller attacking a small boy.
Without a second thought the man dives onto the dog and a monumental battle begins.
Teh man gets bitten and clawed to within an inch of his life but somehow manages to pull the dog off the child, with the last ounce of strength he strangles the ferocious beast.
A man with a camera around his neck rushes over to the bloody scene.
"I'm a report with the Newcastle Chronicle and that is teh bravest deed i have ever seen. I can jst see the front page now - GEORDIE HERO SAVES CHILD FROM CERTAIN DEATH"
"That's very kind of you replies the hero - but I'm not a Geordie - I'm a Mackem"
The reported thinks for a while and replies
"That's alright - You'll still make the headlines MACKEM B*****D KILLS FAMILY PET"
Everyone knows that instructions only have to be read if the thing doesn't work....
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