mowing
Turbo Mini Forums

On 31st Mar, 2011 mowing thread said:
The Fence



We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I
heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a
single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle
charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The
ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the
fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel
pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a
fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and
reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I
hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and
the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is
about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow
on fire on the cover.

Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up
the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the
lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that
Briggs &Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was
literally at one with the engine. It seems as though the fence charger and
the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical
impulses.

Science says one cannot crap, pee, and get a nut at the same time. I beg to
differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3
different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel
movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM
BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes
in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust
pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the
fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I cant let go. I
grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had
those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts
and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground
rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river
bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and
take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank! Now the lawnmower is
starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had
some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and
with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God please die... pleeeeze die'. But
nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there,
like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its
owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in
my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he
left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own
stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire... I woke up laying on
the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was
later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass
spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were
the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it.

I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow
let go of the wire. Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I
realized a few things.

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not
the left, just the right).

3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad a you
might first think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbitch now. Seriously! I think our little
session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better
than new after that.

7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom by farting while thinking of the
number 4 (still dont understand this?)

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I
appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can
clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me
a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check
before I mow.

On 7th Nov, 2011 apbellamy said:
Shaft seems nice and snug

On 24th Mar, 2012 apbellamy said:
no no no no, you need more boost! you can never ever come on here and say I have enough boost, that's just silly.

On 29th Mar, 2010 Star Mag said:
these give no problems with good head

On 31st Mar, 2011 robert said:
works for me brett ...weird .

On 17th Feb, 2011 apbellamy said:
I popped my first one out the other day...